After I had come over, we had gone to his family house. His parents and immediate younger sister were home. She'd helped put some of his stuff together while I helped mumsy in the kitchen. His family was my family, I'd had a hard time blending in, but once I got the heat of everything, they became family, I became family. They had wanted us to stay for supper, I had turned down the offer, my excuse being that I had to go finish my assignments. Hmmn, lies.
I turned to look at Jude, a little surprised that he didn't hold me, he leaned on the door post, his expression different from what it should have been so I stopped what I was doing.
"Anything?"
He didn't answer but handed me my phone. A little confused, I took it from him.
"You have a missed call... and a message." he said. I looked through my phone. It was Jay. I sighed in resignation. Jude knew everything. Jay and I had an affair once, at Jude's expense. It wasn't long, but it was painful for Jude. In the three years we had dated, this was the first time I had misbehaved and it was the worst thing I had done. I couldn't forgive myself. I had admitted it, I was obsessed with Jay, I tried to control it but everything had its limits. I knew what I wanted and even though commons sense, loyalty and a whole lot of other good works denied me the leisure, I broke. Somehow, I didn't regret anything, but for Jude's same, I felt a fool. I'd told Jude it was over. And I meant every word... until today.
I read the message, he read it first.
"I'm sorry. I thought it was MTN." He explained. I didn't mind. I didn't want to hide anything from him anymore.
Hello Bae,
It was nice seeing you today, you looked good. I'm not really good at this, I'm sure you understand. I meant everything I said earlier today, I miss you, I want to see you, I need to see you. Please, don't say no, let's do away with the pride and be ourselves. I hope I see you soon, my darling.
I shut my eyes briefly. Could things be any worse?
"You didn't tell me about it" Jude said quietly. I lifted my bowed head and looked at him.
"It wasn't important"
"Hmmn." He nodded and turned away. Chai! I hated that word with a passion, I hated it from him and I hated his indifference all the more. I followed him out.
"Jude... I told you, it's over__"
"I know"
"You can trust me." He sat on the bed and I sat beside him. "I won't do anything to hurt you. Not anymore."
"Yuyu, I don't want to talk"
"But we have to. I can't stay without talking." I mouthed. He looked at me in amusement and scoffed. I didn't know why he found it funny, but it lightened the tension.
"I'm just trying to protect my own... Yu, this isn't easy for me. I'll be leaving to Lagos tomorrow and this bastard__" Ouch! It hurt "__ chose today to start his approach"
"In other words, I won't cling to you... I appreciate your sincerity." He made no attempt to deny. I frowned.
"Yu... you told me you like him__" He looked pained to say like, I wondered how he would look saying obsessed. "__ you never mentioned that you'd been cured"
"Baby, you can trust me. I swear. Before everything, I'd told you that you couldn't trust me__ that doesn't mean I wanted to hurt you__ but now, I am asking you to trust me because I won't hurt you again. I'm going to be on my guard this time around. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt us. I'm asking you, pleading with you to trust me. I've learned my lesson. Please... "
"Your rice is burning "
I squeezed my face into a tight frown and pinched his arm.
"That's rude."
"I'm sorry." He smiled "But the rice is burning."
I stood up and went back to the kitchen, the smell of rice that just started burning filled my nostrils. Why did Jay have to pick such a time to come back? I wanted to celebrate but he had turned this night that was special into something uncomfortable. I brought down the rice from the fire. I'd lost appetite and I never lose my appetite. The stupid boy!
I got a plate and served Jude, I knew he wasn't going to eat much especially because of the issue at hand. I knew he was going to eat just because I'd cooked. I went back to the bedroom, Jude sat on the bed and went through his phone, his attention totally taken from me. I felt so bad.
"Here."
He looked at me briefly before taking the plate. In my heart, I felt sad. How had things gotten so wrong?
I went back into the kitchen and served myself. I really didn't want to eat anymore. I frowned. Abeg, I was going to eat. This was the last time I was going to spend with Jude before he left for camp and it wasn't like I knew when next I was going to see him. I went back to the room and sat down beside him picking my food disinterestedly. He hadn't touched his food yet, he was still in his phone. Bad air filled the room, I couldn't take it anymore.
"J__"
"This boy na stupid boy ah swear" He cursed. Loudly. It caused me to jerk in fright, my plate also turned over on the bed. I looked at him in annoyance, he didn't even flinch. What was wrong with him?
"Jude?" He looked up at me.
"I'm sorry. It's football. I'll eat now." he kept his phone and picked his plate. I sighed slowly.
"Jude, this is not how today is meant to be. We are meant to be happy, we are meant to have fun. I understand you are uncomfortable with Jay but believe me when I say I have learned my lesson. I won't do anything stupid, believe me." I wanted him to trust me. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I was going to keep Jay at bay. I just needed his trust.
Jude looked at me for a while and kept his plate on the bed. He pulled me to him and smiled.
"I trust you."
"It doesn't feel like it." I muttered. He took the plate from my hands and put it on the floor.
"I trust you. I just feel scared that I will lose you." He explained. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't. He looked at me and cradled my face. I sighed deeply. I had nothing to say. He pulled to kiss me then stopped and rose to his feet without disturbing. I picked up my plate and watched him. He stretched and turned to look at me.
"How about we don't talk about this mumu boy and focus on having fun?"
"I don't mind." I shrugged. I was already tired of it all, and frankly, I couldn't blame him. I had caused all of this heartache and mistrust. I made him have issues trusting me, I deserved it all, so I just ate my food quietly. I didn't care anymore, he stepped out. I didn't know where he went but he soon returned, wine in hand. I frowned.
"Its nonalcoholic. It's pure haven."
"Okay."
He walked to the kitchen and got two glasses and poured the wine into them. My festive mood had dried up. Nothing interested me anymore and I knew he just feigned the excitement. I took the cup he held out to me.
"Should we toast?"
"No." I answered and took a sip. "I don't want to celebrate anymore."
"Ha'ahn__"
"Seriously, I just want to go to bed. I'm thinking of going back home." I said. He said nothing in return. I had planned on spending the night so I'd help him pack up and leave the next day. I didn't feel like it anymore. Shey it was what he wanted? And the mumu boy was still towering over me, watching as I struggled to swallow the rice in my mouth and clear my plate. I soon was done and because the rice wouldn't go down my throat well, I picked the glass of wine and started to down it as I strengthened my resolve to go home.
That was when I saw it.
I stopped drinking and put down the glass. There was something in it. I hoped Jude didn't put a drug in it. I laughed, it was funny, Jude wouldn't do that to me, Jude would never drug me... I didn't understand what was going on. Jude was kneeling down beside me.
"Jude..."
"I know... I understand why you're laughing... I understand totally if you need time..."
"What?" Okay, I was totally confused. "Wait. Just relax. I was laughing because I saw something in the glass and I had the stupid thought that you were trying to drug me and I realized you wouldn't do that..."
Then it hit me! I looked into the glass. It wasn't a drug, it was a ring!
Everything stilled then, everything changed. I felt so lightheaded, I tried to close my eyes to regain my stance.
" Yu__"
"Wait, just wait. Please." I needed to think. I needed to understand... And then, something began to spread in my chest - excitement, joy, happiness... I wanted to laugh and cry, Jude was proposing to me! Jude wanted me! Jude wanted to marry my ass! Jude wasn't minding that Jay--
I turned to look at him. Maybe he was minding it after all. Was this ring meant to be some kind of security?
"Why?" I asked quietly. Everything I felt suddenly died down, I felt numb. I needed answers. I needed to understand the genuineness of the moment.
"Why are you giving me this?" I looked at him squarely. "Are you a so scared that I'd jump back into bed with Jay? Is this how far you are willing to go to stop me? Is this how much your faith in me has been destroyed?" I didn't want to cry. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to give Jude that satisfaction of seeing me hurt. Not tonight. He didn't say a word. I couldn't help myself then, I was determined not to cry even though my throat felt like a desert and my eyes were full with tears. Silently, I kept the glass and cleared my throat.
"I'm going home." I said and rose to my feet. He stood after me and in my heart, I begged him not to touch me because if he did, I was going to break. I walked to the table and picked my bag. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, crushing my lips with his. I took a deep breath because I was determined not to cry. I couldn't kiss him back. I just couldn't, but Jude didn't care. He kissed me thoroughly until I was forced to respond. I grabbed his face firmly and kissed him back, I didn't mind the fierceness of his kiss, I responded softly trying to reign in my emotions. I didn't know what was wrong with me but as far as I didn't cry, I was okay.
Jude kiss turned heated, and after a while, I couldn't maintain the cool, desire flooded through me and I soon forgot the drama. He pulled back and planted a kiss on my forehead gently. We both battled our breaths trying to calm down, this was the boy I was arguing with. I wanted to push him away but I couldn't.
"Stay the night" He said silently. I pulled back from the comfort of his body and looked at him.
"There's so much on my mind, I need to go." I answered. I couldn't sleep in that room. I needed space, I need to think and Jude only filled up the room.
"Yu__"
"Jude, I have to go."
"Eunice, I want you, I want everything, I want to marry you. I want a life with you." Frustration lined his forehead. My heart was a stupid heart, I probably should have decided to be a heart donor, it was already dancing stupidly.
"This has nothing to do with Jay?"
"Of course not! The fuck does he think he is? He has no say in this relationship." A little hope. I smiled slightly. "Yu, I'm not trying to chain or imprison you, it's the last thing I would do to you. Don't you see? I'm trying to marry you."
Despite everything, despite the turmoil in my heart and the betraying smile on my face, I giggled and my laughter came with tears. This was genuine, this was everything I wanted. I couldn't help it, I bursted into tears and went into his embrace. I was so excited, I was so joyful. Jude wanted to marry me, I wanted to marry him. Jude who I'd dated forever didn't just date me to pass time, he'd had a plan for us, he wanted us to be a home, to be one. This very annoying boyfriend wanted to marry me? Of course! I was going to marry Jude!
"I love you babes." He said against my head, I was a mess, shivering in spasms like it was cold. I simply nodded. Jude was my life, he was everything I wanted. He was my all -- apart from God. Yes, he was everything else to me.
"Stop crying now, people will think I beat you." He chided. I tried to laugh and my body responded with a shudder.
"Stupid boy." I muttered against his chest. I couldn't see him but I know he smiled.
"Just don't show that yeye boy face." He said. I kicked him and he moved a little. I'd intended it to hurt but he thought I was uncomfortable. Mtchew. "Thanks for the vote of confidence you hear?"
"You're welcome."
"Don't you recognize sarcasm when you see it?"
"I do. I'm not as blind as you are even with your big eyes."
I pushed him off and we both giggled. I sat down on the plastic chair in the room, I didn't know why I began to feel shy. I lowered my head and played with my fingers. Jude knelt down again beside me, this time with the ring in his hand, looking at the ring alone made my heart skip. He lifted my head and I saw him smile, I saw something else too!
"You haven't given me an answer... I understand if you have to think it through__"
"Oh my God! You have a dimple!" I poked his cheek in excitement. I loved dimples! They are awesome.
"Yu!" I looked in his eyes and went silent. I still loved dimples!
"Talk to me... Please?" He said desperately. I smiled at him and took his face in my palms.
"I love you too much not to marry you. Jude, you've found yourself a wife." I answered.
That night, Jude and I made love.
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